Sunday, October 28, 2012

Why is making adult friends so hard?

I have been having a super emotional grumpy weekend, so prepare yourself for some deep stuff.  (more than recipes and pants and what shoe I wore today)

Friends.  That's what we are going to talk about today.  I feel like I have been searching for friends for forever.

Little background:
I went to a small private school my entire life.  I was friends with who I was friends with because they were in my class for years on end.  Thankfully, those friendships have developed into much more than "I am your friend because I have known you for 12 years."

I also went to the same church for a really long time.  My other group of friends are from church.  and I love them dearly.  However, not a single one of them lives nearby.

Speed up to present time:
I have lots of good friends at work.  They are funny, and sometimes we hang out outside of work.  It is always a blast.

I have several friends at church.  Those are in different stages of relationships.

Those friendships I developed when I was younger are pretty strong because most of them I talk to on a regular basis or if we don't don't talk on a regular basis, we are able to pick up right where we left off.

Here's the problem I am struggling with:  I want refrigerator friends.  (Meaning-I am comfortable to come over to your house and eat whatever from your fridge without asking and you are able to do likewise.)  ***Let me state, that I do have one of these nearby, and I don't want that person to think I don't consider them in this category, I do!

I want to be vulnerable with this person. I want to talk about all those things that I call my faraway friends and talk about. I want to come over when my husband is monopolizing the tv.  I want you to stop by whenever. I want you to invite yourself over for dinner.  I want you to sit on my couch and eat junk food and watch Real Housewives.

I have been looking for friends like this for years, since college.  Why is it so hard?  I feel like I put forth effort.  I am always looking for people to invite over for dinner.  Maybe they will be my fridge friend.  But then I find out that they already have enough fridge friends or they are in a different stage of life than me and that doesn't work for them.  (Regarding the stage of life thing, I think it is a load of crap.  My best friend lives hundreds of miles away and has a baby, and we make it work.  I think if we live in the same town, we would be able to make it work.)

I don't understand what else I have to do.  Do these friends exist?  Am I wishing for something that is intangible?


  1. I sympathize with you. I've been having a hard time making friends in my "new" city and I've been here for over two years. Work, volunteer opportunities, the gym are all places where I have met acquaintances, but no one who REALLY knows me. It is very frustrating and I don't know what to do either :-(

  2. I'm having the same problem! I just made a blog post about this ''adult friend'' I thought I had a couple weeks ago - just remember everything happens for a reason.. :D and if something is meant to be it will happen in it's own time. I'll be your adult friend though :D xoxo

  3. This seems like an endless discussion my husband and I have had since college. Our best friends live out of state and we just can't seem to make new ones who become close friends. I blame this stage of life and just the fact that we aren't involved in much (ie anything) outside of work and church. I've mostly given up and would totally be happy just with casual friends. Idk where y'all live, but if you ever want to hang out or have dinner I think that'd be fun!

    1. I think I am getting to the point where I may be giving up on those types of friends, too. Casual friends may be a better expectation. We are living in Denton, so if you are ever up this way, let us know and we can do dinner:)

  4. This is so TRUE!!!! This is me. It's hard. I don't know where all the girls are who are my age, married and no kids but enjoy doing what I do.

    1. That's why you need to move back home...We would be perfect fridge friends!!!

  5. Say no more! I have this same struggle and it can be so discouraging! Those friends do exist, but they are rare and hard to come by.

  6. I know EXACTLY how you feel girl! Since moving to Texas, I feel like it's been so hard meeting people (other than at work), but sometimes I wonder where do you even meet people at our age (wow, that makes me feel like i'm ancient!) But seriously, you don't want to meet friends at the bar. So that leaves church, random or work....

  7. i have to say im where you are right now. My husbands military so of course i was taken away from my home state. Not to mention started a little family with none of my family around but his..dont get me wrong i love his family and there super nice i just miss my best friend.

  8. i agree with how you feel, although i am still in college. i think the reason it is the same for me is because i am married, so therefore i'm in a different stage of life than everyone else.
    anyways, thanks for sharing! i love your blog. new follower!