Transitions

Transitions are difficult. I think, for me, it is the fear of the unknown. Why change when right now is so wonderful? I think that is why I approach my wedding day different than most giddy, over-the-top excited girls. I have been dating Anthony for almost four years, and it has been wonderful! He loves taking care of me and showing me how much he loves me. And I LOVE being the recipient of his affection. He knows when I need space and is very supportive of my time that I spend with my girlfriends because he knows I need it desperately! He has spoiled me rotten. For years he has been telling me that he does this because he likes to see me happy. I think, finally, I am starting to believe him.

My old youth pastor once said that the only reason the first year of marriage is hard is if one or both of the people are being selfish. As I think about our wedding day, it really is just the start of a commitment that is to be lived out daily. And that is where I am going to have to start working on myself. It is never fun to really delve deep inside yourself and really figure out what your true motivations are. It's not fun because usually our motivations are selfish. In order for Anthony to fulfill his God-given role in marriage as the leader, I need to be pursuing my role as a submissive, respectful wife. Men crave respect. Women need love. That's why God commanded men to love their wives. He didn't command women to love their husbands because He knew it would come naturally to the woman if the man was loving her. However, God did command wives to submit to their husbands. Because if the husband is feeling respected, he will in turn love his wife. It is an endless cycle for good or for bad depending on how the "players" choose to "play." If the wife does not respect the husband, he will not show her love, if the wife is not loved, she will not show her husband respect. MMMMMM.....Isn't it great that God created us each with specific desires and roles, and that they fit so perfectly together if we just obey??

Anyway, back to transitions, me and Anthony's relationship will be changing greatly. And a lot of the change needs to happen internally before it can happen externally. So, as I approach marriage, I am humbled by the great responsibility I will soon have as a wife. Selfishly, it would be easier to stay dating because than I wouldn't have to do a self-analysis. However, I love Anthony very much, and he deserves all the respect I can show and give him. But more importantly, I love God. More than anything I would love for our marriage to be a picture of Christ redeeming His church, the bride. A picture that points others to Christ. I just want to be a tool that brings shows others the love of Christ.

PS We are starting a new book called Love and Respect. That is where I stole the love and respect stuff, but good stuff, right? More to come with that latter...

Pitch the Tent

Every summer when I was younger my family and I used to go camping. Sometimes we would go more than once, but we always made sure we made it to Lake Murray, Oklahoma, every year. The day before we went camping, my dad and brothers would load the station wagon and the trailer. We didn't always have the trailer. Before that, we would have to stuff everything into the back of the station wagon and stuff the six of us in the front half of the station wagon. Getting the trailer was definitely a good thing. It gave us a lot more space and saved my poor mother from hearing, "Mom, he's touching me!" My mom was very organized in the packing. She had a very long list of camping must haves that she saved from year to year. I think that one year we forgot something critical like tent stakes or something, hence the list. We were authentic campers, so we brought all of our food. I think I helped my mom get all of this stuff ready.

On the way to Lake Murray, we would play car bingo. You know, the little board with pictures of a tractor or a railroad crossing sign and once you found it you got to cover it up. Sometimes my mom would have taped books for us to listen to, like Hank the Cow dog. It was only a two and half hour drive, but that was like an eternity for us because we were used to flying everywhere.

We usually went to the same campsite every year. It was on a little peninsula, jetting out into the lake. It was right across from a large dock where we went fishing occasionally. Most importantly, however, it was a good distance from the bathrooms.

We would spend our days swimming in front of our campsite or making clay figurines that we always would want to take back home with us, but my mom wisely refused because they just turned back into dirt. Sometimes it would be just so hot that we would just lay in the water all day.

One of my favorite memories of camping was the meals. We had the best dinners around the campfire. We made pizzas and fruit pies in cast iron skillets. We made hobo dinners--take meatballs, potatoes, and corn, put in tin foil, set on the coals. My dad would popcorn. We would make s'mores. O, breakfast was always really good, too. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, mmmm boy!

I hope that when I have a family we will take fun camping trips like this. Even though it was super hot most of the time, the parts I remember the most was spending time with my siblings, playing games, and being together. Toward the end of high school it became a lot harder for us to schedule trips because everyone had a job, but more recently we have been able to go camping in Tyler with Eric, Sheryl, and Emily. We usually spend a lot of time reminiscing about old camp trips or poking fun of my dad and his very specific ways. I hope I never forget the fun times we have had camping:)

Run like the Wind

Sometimes it is just so hard for me to get up in the morning. It is not because I am tired. I don't hit the snooze on my alarm. I am actually awake enough to reset my alarm accurately. Maybe it has something to do with the cold and my amazing electric blanket. I like going to work, so I am not trying to hide from that obligation. I can only imagine that getting up is going to be ten times worse when I get married.

But I have been really trying to get up in the morning to spend some uninterrupted time with the Lord. Usually I can manage to come up with some excuse and justify that I can do it later in the day, but, for me, that never really happens. I also have always thought in my head that, "Oh, I am just in an inbetween stage. Once I get all settled, I can get on a schedule." But that is such a lazy attitude. I could define any part of my life as the inbetween stage. No more inbetween stage! I am going to take advantage of every stage of my life.

I also have started running again. A friend of mine from school roped me into running a 5k a month or so ago, and I just did it spur of the moment, no training. Since then, I have started running. (The 5k that I ran felt like death because I was so not ready.) Running really makes me feel better. Sometimes I really, and I mean really, have to convince myself to go running, but after I run, I am always glad I did. Exercise is also something I have also excused because I keep thinking that need to have my life organized completely and have nothing out of whack.

Spending time with the Lord and exercise are two things that don't require one's life to be completely in order. If that was the case, they probably would feel like that didn't need either one of these. I need both desperately. Both make me feel drastically better about myself and my life. Both take effort that is abundantly rewarded in the end. Happy Wednesday:)

Clean Room

My room has been so incredibly messy lately. Growing up, I shared a room with my sister, and I was always the cleaner one. Maybe I was just trying to prove that I was better. Now that I am not rooming with anyone, it has become quite the disaster. Come to think of it...I AM a lot cleaner when I share a room with someone. I also shared a room with a roommate, and I kept it relatively clean. Well, maybe there is hope for Anthony. Haha:) It will be better in an apartment though because currently my entire life is in one room. Anyway, I didn't have anything to do tonight (which is such an amazing feeling), so I decided to tackle my room. I usually have to do this big major cleaning like once a week. The amount of clothes that I try on, take off, or actually wear is amazing. And all over my floor ever week.
I also wanted to start throwing away stuff that I haven't used before I have to move to the apartment. I like doing this. If I haven't used it since the last time I threw stuff away, then it gets tossed. I only got threw my makeup, and jewelry, and medicine, and purses, but I already have two big bags of trash. I know that I have clothes to get rid of. This will give me a lot more room in my drawers...woohooo no more stuffing clothes in tiny places. This is my project for Thanksgiving week.

My floor is clean. There is still gobs to be done, but at least I can sleep tonight.

Therapeutic Time

I was reading someone else's blog this morning, and I was realized that I had not written in a very long time. Writing for me are very therapeutic for me because it helps me let out all my inner frustrations and worries, and usually after that I am much better. So really this blog is more or less just for me...to keep me mentally sane.

This week I had to go to the Emergency Room. This was the first time that I had ever gone. And it was kinda voluntarily, so claps for Angela for being proactive about her health. On Tuesday on the way to recess I got kicked in the face with a soccer ball from a short distance by a first grader. Yeah, it hurt, but what can you do. The next day during school I was trying to look at some papers, and I was seeing black spots, and I still had a headache. I went to go ask the nurse if it was serious, and to make a long story short, my roommate Martha and I wound up in the ER for two hours that evening. I had my first cat scan. This sounded like sitting next to the propeller of a big airplane, which is where standbys always sit on planes, so it actually was kinda comforting. Nothing showed up on the CT, but I have to go back for a follow up tomorrow.

Anthony and I have found the apartments that we are going to live in! I am super excited! Well, I was super excited at the beginning because this apartments are beautiful, located on a golf course, big kitchen for me to perfect my cooking skills, no fireplace:), close to my job. Woohoo, right? However, the reviews of this place have not been that marvelous, and I thought maybe we had jumped the gun and moved a little to fast in an attempt to check one of thousands of things of my list of stuff to do. Right now, I am trying to entrust this whole living situation back to the Lord. Every apartment complex is going to have both good and bad reviews. Like Anthony said, "We can live anywhere for a year." I am excited about being proactive about meeting our neighbors and inviting people over. Hopefully, the Lord will enable us to channel our excitement to be a witness for Him as we build relationships with people around us in our new home:) Besides it has to be better than living next to a big frat house with drunken parties every weekend and shrieking drunk girls.

I have been recently reading the Anne of Green Gables series. LOVE. IT. I didn't know that there are seven books in this series. I think before I have only read the first three. Well, I am almost done with the third one. I will need to go back to the library, which I have been dreading because I have a fine (booo), and find the rest of the series. Sometimes I just imagine myself living in a time like this. Anne is such a likeable girl, and the Gilbert I have pictured in my head is so handsome, and I want them to get together so bad!

I have been so excited about the fall season. I love the colors and the weather and the holiday. I think I like Thanksgiving better than Christmas because our family is always together for Thanksgiving. Sometimes we have to move our Thanksgiving celebration to another day to accommodate everyone's schedule. I will love Thanksgiving week even more this year because I have the whole week off. I can't wait for fall to be over though because then I can go buy fall decorations that are on sale, so I can have them next year for my classroom and my home. I am DETERMINED this year to go somewhere where I can dress up for Halloween and carve a pumpkin. Since moving to Denton, Halloween has been the most disappointing holiday for me. I have been in tears the last two out of three years because I was either abandoned on Halloween or I was never asked out to a costume party. Well, I have already planned me and Anthony's costumes. We are prepared. Also, the first year I was up in Denton I decided to go carve pumpkins by myself the night of Halloween. Apparently at that time all the pumpkins are picked over, so I had a choice of rotten, smashed, or a squash. Last year when Anthony and I went to pick a pumpkin, all they had left were white pumpkins. Those things are dang hard to carve, and they stink worse than a regular pumpkin. I have high hopes for this year though. I am going to make Anthony take me out to a pumpkin patch, and take pictures of us with the pumpkins. My favorite Halloween was the year I went to Ohio and carved pumpkins with Brittany. Best ever! But pretty much anything with Brittany is the BEST EVER!

I had thoughts this week to start selling stuff on Etsy...of course I would have to wait until all this wedding mayhem settled down. My life isn't stressful always, and really there is not that much more to do right now, but sometimes it just is all on my mind at the same time, and I get super overwhelmed. Like today. I counted down the days today. 80 more days. I still feel like that is too far away to start an official countdown. I think after Thanksgiving I will get started. There is a friend of mine who has a countdown until she gets married, and it is like almost 800 days away. Um , yeah, no. Not doing that.

Anthony and I got new phone this last week. Another thing off our checklist!!! It has a slideout keypad. I feel like such a teeny booper. But I need to practice using the key pad style, so like totally text me.

Quick people I need some recommendations for songs that Anthony and I can use for our first dance. Our fabulous dance instructor said she would help us after class on Mondays. I love having dance class. I love learning something new. I think I want to take at least one class for the rest of my life. I am thinking sign language might be next...

I think I have officially used up my nap time today, but thanks for reading my verbal vomit. i already feel better about today. I think I am going to buy myself a new pair of jeans and maybe some shoes.

New School Year

Summer has officially ended...Quick Trip's fountain drinks are no longer 49 cents! I also just finished a my first week of school with my new kiddos. Let me just take this moment to express how much easier my second year already is from last year. I left school this week around 4:00 on several days. That never happened last year. I feel much more confident in my teaching ability and way more prepared.

Nevertheless, this week was stressful for me because I started Student Ministries at Denton Bible. Anthony has been working with this high school program for a couple years, and he has really enjoyed it. We think it will be a good place to minister together. Being the new person is very nerve wracking for me. I don't like it. Plus, I am not a very outgoing person, so I really had to put myself out there to make conversation with people I don't know. I am hoping that I will be able to make the adjustments necessary to feel comfortable with this group.

Also, adding to my stress was my doctor's appointment yesterday. I dislike the doctor very much, so I had that hanging over my head all week. But, I was very proud of myself for scheduling the appointment by myself, going by myself, and only crying a little bit.

This next week we start pre-marital counseling....I will let you know how that will go.

I love my kids from last year. I developed a special attachment to them because they were my first ever class. I kinda had confused emotions on Monday after school because I was like, "Wait, a minute, I don't even know if I like this kids yet!" The immediate attachment that I had for my kids last year wasn't there, but it has already started to develop over the course of this week. I have some really cute kids in my class! I had forgotten how young they are when they come into third grade. This group of kids is much less exposed to the world than last year's group, which is good. They are still innocent. They also are way higher than my group last year. I gave a math assessment this week, and every one could read it!!! They may not have been able to do all the math, but they can read. Woohoo!!!

The small details

I have been super excited about wedding planning for a long time. In fact, I had even started before Anthony had proposed to me. I love been organized and delegating! This is definitely a project where both of those come in handy. When I visualized planning my wedding in my head, I did not imagine the little "hiccups" on the way. This last week I encountered my first hiccup. Let me clarify what kind of hiccup this is. Some people have small, quiet hiccups that hardly anyone hears. I, on the other hand, do not. My are loud, even with my mouth closed; they make my body jerk; they last forever, and they come in groups of three. Thankfully I have never gotten these while I was teaching. Anyway, we had a hiccup: the facility I was planning on using for my ceremony was booked for my date. Sad times:( I decided to email a bunch of churches in Denton to see if they were available. Not much success there.

Then my mother suggested having the wedding midweek. I know that this in unconventional, and I suspected that some people would not approve. Much to my surprise, Wednesday actually worked a lot better than having on the weekend. My brother and dad were both not scheduled to work, my matron of honor doesn't have to rush back the next day for another wedding, and it makes Anthony's Maryland family's trip much more convenient.

Fortunately, both my reception site and the church were willing to accommodate us. Oh, how thankful I was that the Lord had answered our prayers. But the icing on the cake came last night when the reception site emailed me and told me about the huge discount I would receive for having on a weekday. It was just a great reminder that God is looking out for us. Even though this was not my initial plan, God had a better plan all along!!