When you don't get to check off those things on your list

Sometimes I think about being really famous.  Like some internet how-to-person.  Or some crafty person with a business.  Or an author.  Or I am in an accident one day, and the next day I wake up and I can sing really well.  But mostly these days I dream about being able to sleep.  (Before you hastily type your well-meaning sentiments, I'm not looking for helpful tidbits on how to get them to sleep or enjoy this mombie ((mom + zombie)) time of your life, you will miss it--blah, blah, blah.  I'm in the trenches--NOT what I need to hear right now!)

I don't know what part of me needs this recognition from others or to be good at something.  Ahem, probably the sinful part.  When I was a teacher, I felt successful often or at least like I had a point to all my runnings around.  I could make lists and check things off.  And snap pictures for instagram of things that turned out so wonderfully and that I even had time to arrange them for snazzy photo ops.

As a homemaker, I can make lists and check things off and feel productive...maybe even successful in that role.  But my other job as a mom is a little harder to make into a list and check things off.  I think that is why I struggle with feeling successful.

And how would I even define success with my kids is probably a bigger question.  Is it when they get older and have real jobs, and I can not be embarrassed when other people ask what my children are doing??  Is it when they get a scholarship for being intelligent or playing a sport really well?? Gosh, I guess the big thing for me is that I want my girls to love the Lord and serve Him.  (And I say that like gosh, I just realized that as typing not gosh, duh, doesn't every one??)

In that same context, that's where I should feel successful in loving the Lord and serving Him.  That means tangibly loving people and that's hard because people are dumb.  (See, I need some work in that area!)  I am serving the Lord in my home right now raising these girls.  And most days on more than one occasion I say dirty words in my head and I want to stab my eyes out and Real Housewives of some city is on while my children are in the room because I just need a break.  (Anyone, anyone else??  Crickets chirping...  Crawls under rock.)  

Point being, because I am severely digressing, all jobs don't make you famous, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be doing them.

Also, question for you: how did you find out what your spiritual gift is?  I want to start actively using mine and being aware of it, but don't really know how to go about that...

Keeping it rrreal, ladies,
xoxo